So today is about women, yeah? WRONG. Everyday is about women! We make up over half of the population and deserve maybe, I don’t know… A year? Or just all the time that men get, perhaps? We should probably think about sexual violence and forced marriages for a lot more than a day or a week because those seem like important issues. And are we the only ones who think it is odd that on Radio 4 there is still a programme called ‘Woman’s Hour’ as if the rest of Radio 4 has been reserved for tits, wounds and car explosions? Anyway, if nothing else, today can be an excuse to talk about the women we like who did good things. Here is Part 1 of Bad Salad’s favourite women:
I love a strong woman. A woman who doesn’t take crap from anybody, a woman who is determined, passionate and full of character. A woman who looks just as good in skinny jeans at the age of 66 as she did when she was 20. I love Patti Smith, the undisputed queen of punk. Her writing, her music, her political stance and her integrity knock my socks off. With consistent fearlessness, she merges poetry and rock n roll into an indestructible partnership of beauty and grit.
These are the reasons why she continues to stand as a magnificent source of inspiration to me and thousands of others across the globe. So enjoy this very important International Women’s Day in the spirit of Patti, and get out there and contribute something fantastic to the world!
Geordie Shore‘s Charlotte Crosby
I do not watch MTV’s Geordie Shore ironically. Why would I spend time doing something that I don’t actually enjoy? Doing stuff ‘ironically’ is stupid. I either like things or I don’t. The life these guys lead could not be more different from the one I have. I don’t like clubs. I don’t like drinking. And I don’t like cock. But I LOVE Geordie Shore and Charlotte is my favourite. I tried to write something about why I loved it for Bad Salad but I honestly adore it too much to put into words.
Charlotte Crosby is like Karl Pilkington in the sense that she has great comic timing, is naturally very funny and is essentially good natured. The key difference is that all the stuff she says is about pissing the bed or getting cum in her eye. I’m not exaggerating for comic effect when I tell you that I want her to be happy more than I want me to be happy. If we were in a hot air balloon and one of us had to get out in order for the other one to survive, I honestly think she has more to offer the world. She’s about a billion times better than a Radio 4 Woman’s Hour special on the gender pay gap; that sucks balls. Let me demonstrate. She has said this:
And finally, the now classic phrase that has been absorbed into the English language like so many Shakespearean idioms:
That’s all. Happy International Women’s Day! Get some cum in your eye to celebrate! Only joking, a woman’s right to choose whether or not she has cum in her eyes was of course legally guaranteed in 1965; we owe our clear vision to those noble women. Ha. Bet you won’t hear THAT on Radio 4! Goodbye!