So I guess the reason I am writing this is because I am only nineteen years old and someone I know has already been sexually assaulted whilst in a relationship. This leads me to think that it is a more common issue than some might think that is a bit uncomfortable to discuss. Don’t worry, I’m going to try my hardest to make this one funny. I have opted for a very attractive and readable list format, because whether you knew it or not, people just can’t get enough of lists. They bloody love ‘em. Here goes:
1. What a Relationship Isn’t:
Being in a sexual relationship does not mean you have give blanket consent to all sexual advances during your time together. ‘Yes, I’m your girlfriend’, ‘And I suppose that means…’, ‘You guessed it! Consent given, my vagina is open 24/7 for your sexual pleasure!’ As much as that was a humorous exaggeration, there exists a real misconception. It makes girls fear to tell anyone, thinking they will be judged. So they block it from their minds and transfer the guilt to themselves.
2. It is a matter of inebriation:
I have a rule regarding sexual encounters, equally sober or equally drunk. As far as I am concerned, you best both be crashing into furniture on your way into the bedroom or SHUT IT DOWN. And alcohol can affect people vastly differently, so I reiterate, don’t care if you had the same number of shots, she is paralytic and you still have your wits about you. Pretty good rule no? Because as far as I am concerned, when someone is too drunk to consent, it is the equivalent of saying no. Back off, get your end away another evening. It’s not the end of the world, have you seen what the internet has to offer?
3. It is a matter of choice:
A wise Dumbledore once said, ‘It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.’ Don’t panic, you haven’t misread or ignored the passage in Harry Potter containing sexual assault. The point is, in a situation such as this, someone gorgeous is unbelievably drunk and within your grasp. You, sober and fancying the pants off them, are faced with a decision. You are in complete control of the situation and the choice you make indicates whether you respect them as a human being.
Once I was in a club in Berlin, which was the size of a living room, with pink fur lined walls and had a huge blown up picture of Marylyn Monroe with ginger eyebrows adorning one wall. This story makes even me think I sound cool. I danced with many undesirable suitors attached to penises and then had my hands and attention grabbed by a very attractive prospect. She was very good looking BUT OFF HER FUCKING FACE. And in the proceeding couple of minutes (probably longer, I’m only human) I decided to extricate myself from the situation, because I was too in control. It just seems wrong to me. I can see how you can do whatever you want in these situations but if you do it, it shows a complete disregard for another person’s right to choose. And at the very least we should aim to minimise the people we unnecessarily coerce.
4. The Boat That Rocked Is A Crock of Shit:
So fine, I only just saw it, still haven’t seen Avatar. GO AWAY – I’VE SEEN OTHER FILMS. This isn’t a film review because, just no. But I cannot believe a story line that occurred. One man, the philanthropist he was, having secured sex with a woman, conceived a genius plan for his friend who was a virgin to have sex with her instead after they swapped places in the dark. The lights went on; she saw him; he ran away. I suppose it was a ‘joke’. HOW IS THAT ALLOWED IN A FILM. IN A FILM THAT PEOPLE SAY IS ‘AMAZING’ AND ‘LAUGH OUT LOUD’. It is attempted rape and it was made to look fun in what cunts would call ‘a feel good film’. Extended rant already written by Richard Herring here. I mean seriously, WHAT THE HELL.
Nick Frost as the eighth Dwarf, ‘Lecherous’ in The Boat That Rocked.
(image: canmag.com)
In a similar vein, in the series one finale of the outstanding Sugar Rush (about two teenage girls in Brighton), the character of Sugar is found covered in blood on the beach by Kim. It turns out that she went onto the stone beaches of Brighton to have sex with a man and once he’s finished his friend decides to have a go. She protests and tells him to get off; when he won’t she grabs glass from a broken bottle and stabs him until he gets off. When discussing the issue of whether she was raped, Sugar remarks, ‘Well I didn’t go down to the beach for a picnic. I knew what I was there for.’ and Kim replies ‘No you didn’t, you never do. You’re always so out of it.’ This issue is that boys shouldn’t be sleeping with girls that drunk in the first place and just because they are easier to control, taking the opportunity to have sex.
Lenora Crichlow as the increasingly badass ‘Sugar’
(image: popcultureplaypen.files.wordpress.com)
5. So it’s time to discuss what made me write this:
This couple (girl and boy), had been going through trust issues and the girl had decided to put sex on hold until these were resolved. A couple of weeks later, the girl came to the house of the completely sober boy incredibly drunk and upset to the point of crying hysterically. He had sex with her, despite her previous sobbing and inability to consent. She woke up the next day with little to no recollection of the night before. When asked why he had sex with her he said: ‘Because you were sexy’. The response of this boy’s friends on the issue was along the lines of ‘She was drunk, so?’
As far as I am concerned this is a crime difficult to repent for, someone’s ‘guilt’ pales in comparison to the inner turmoil and wariness of personal relationships experienced by the victim. And I don’t like women being portrayed as the victims when they are not but in case they are. Someone has perpetrated a crime against them, causing their suffering. Victim.
I do accept that some cases are more complicated but my argument is thus, if they are unable to consent then it is down to you to stop it. And women and men should both treat others with disgust who do not follow this rule with women. Excuse me for a moment whilst I get a bit New Labour on yo ass. Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime. Yes assaulters should be sentenced for their crimes but more important is for us as a society to have zero tolerance for alcoholic sexual coercion. Everyone has been so drunk that someone could have done anything to us, but it still shouldn’t happen. And women should have the confidence to say that someone has sexually assaulted them in the knowledge that they didn’t consent.
Some good advice
(image: buzzfeed.com)
