This week I thought we should conquer the last taboo, the final frontier if you will: self love. Whatever you wanna call it, flogging the bishop, stroking the salami, or as we in the Bad Salad team refer to it: jilling off. Everybody does it, yet nobody (but my friends) seems to be willing to ‘fess up to it, and why is that?
In an age where nothing seems holy, where sexual conquests are discussed freely and openly on buses, in cafés and bars and at the water cooler at work there is always one topic that is off limits. So let us discuss it on the good old intraweb!
Last week I got a text message from one of my dear friends reading “Hi. What are you doing? Had two wanks out of boredom.” This is a female friend, I might add. Nothing strange about that, since you’d probably have to search the seven circles of Hell to find more opinionated and outspoken friends than mine. That’s why I love ‘em. Another one admitted to being so sexually frustrated that she had to nip in to the loos at work and relieve some tension. Girls touching themselves! Oh my goodness me, what a shocker. There is nothing off bounds in our friendship group, but so many other people find this topic extremely cringeworthy and refuse to talk about it. Surely it should be open for discussion, since we’re all aware of the fact that our palms won’t get hairy if we indulge in a bit of self-lurve?
In Brighton you will find a sex shop almost on every corner of our delightful city, all of which are full of pleasure increasing resources, not inhabited by sweaty men in long coats but young girls who are anxious to explore their sexuality, and whyever not? If you know yourself and what you like in bed it will make for more fun times when you have a partner to instruct. I mean, enjoy yourself with! And how are you supposed to fully enjoy sex until you find out what it is that switches your light on? There’s only one way to find out, dear reader. Besides, as Woody Allen put it, it’s sex with someone you love. And it’s awesome for the following reasons:
- It’s completely safe, no risk of any STIs or pregnancy in sight.
- It lowers the blood pressure and relaxes you.
- You learn about your own body and what turns you on.
- You’re guaranteed to reach the peak every time.
So forget about all about embarrassment and don’t be afraid of talking about the age old art of masturbation. Everybody does it, and those who say that they don’t… Well, frankly I wouldn’t believe them for a second. Instead tell them to turn up the speakers, put The Divinyls on repeat and get exploring. They’ll feel so much better for it at the end of the 3:44 minutes the song lasts, if they’re doing it right.